Reminder: Your Voice Has Power

Today I’m sharing a story about the unbelievable power of the voice. My voice. Your voice. Any voice that wants to be heard.

On December 5, 2021, I posted a poem about one of my experiences with workplace sexual abuse at my former employer, BlackRock, on Medium. After I posted to Medium, I shared the poem through my LinkedIn page, which was followed by many of my former colleagues. That poem triggered a chain reaction of events that I never expected, and never could have dreamed up if I tried. As a result of my poem, my abuser is no longer employed by BlackRock.

I never expected anything to come from that post because the experiences I wrote about took place between 2009 and 2013. I’d already looked into taking legal action, but I was beyond the statute of limitations. I’d also tried reaching out to the human resources team at BlackRock (through a friend who still worked there) to share my story in hopes of preventing my abuser from taking advantage of other employees at the firm. All of my efforts were fruitless, and my story remained untold.

One day I got the courage to share my story publicly, and it got the attention of a newly formed department at BlackRock, who is responsible for investigating claims of harassment that take place at the firm. I was pleasantly surprised to find that although I had not been employed by the firm since 2016, they were still taking my claim seriously. They immediately opened an investigation, and within a few weeks time, they confirmed my story and let my abuser go.

It took me over 10 years to be able to speak openly about the abuse that began early into my career at BlackRock, when I was 22 years old. At the time, I was ashamed and afraid to report the abuse, and I didn’t have the words to share what was happening to me. I didn’t really know what was happening to me. I blamed myself for getting stuck in that situation. I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s career by sharing what was happening, and I didn’t want to ruin my own either. I felt afraid and threatened, and couldn’t see any ways out of my situation. I didn’t want to continue being forced to have sex with my boss, but I had no idea how to stop it.

Many years that have passed since that time. I have done so much work to heal, and the fruits of my labors are showing. I can speak openly, clearly, and confidently about my experiences. I can see that I was not in the wrong, I can see that the abuse was not my fault, and I can compassionately hold space for the version of me that was too afraid to speak up.

I share this post to let you know that it is never too late to share your story. Whether what you experienced was a month ago, a year ago, a decade ago, or even longer, your story deserves to be heard. Sharing your story may prevent someone else from being abused, and sharing your story may return your power to you in ways you can’t even imagine.

If you’re in need of inspiration, check out my LinkedIn post here, and my Medium story here. I’ve also copied the posts below.

LinkedIn:

In 2018 I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), as a result of my experiences with sexual harassment at work. While I experienced harassment throughout my entire time in finance, one experience in particular affected me so deeply that it took me years to acknowledge it and ultimately heal. I wrote a poem about this experience, and I recently shared it on Medium.

As a victim of sexual harassment, I spent many years in silence. I've learned that silence is not the answer, and is never the answer. Laughing off harassment and trying to ignore it will only make it worse.

Now I identify as a survivor, and I am a proud advocate for victims and survivors of sexual harassment at work. My top priority is making corporate workplaces safer by raising awareness of what sexual harassment looks like, as well as the physical and psychological effects of harassment, and what leaders, victims, and bystanders can do to put an end to this widespread form of oppression.

Medium:

I started my career in finance in 2008, on the day after my 22nd birthday. With the financial crisis in full swing, I felt lucky and grateful to have found a job at the “best” asset management company, which is also now the largest asset management company in the world — BlackRock.

Shortly after I began my career, my manager, who was in his mid 30s, began flirting with me and pressuring me to have sex. It took me almost a decade to process the pain and trauma of that experience. For many years I buried it, denied it. When I could no longer deny, I cried and felt extreme shame, guilt, and powerlessness every time I thought about it or tried to speak about it.

One morning in 2021, I woke up and felt that the words were ready to come out of me. They came out in the form of a poem. This is the poem that helped me to move through the pain and embarassment, and empowered me to start speaking out about my experiences with sexual harassment and sexual violence in the finance industry.

If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual harassment or sexual violence at work, and needs someone to talk to, you can contact your local rape crisis center to speak with someone, or call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1–800–656–4673. This hotline is available 24/7 and conversations are confidential.

Here is my poem.

Boss

I remember saying no

A hundred times

No interest

-

Not with my boss

Not with you

Not at work

-

Already taken

No interest in cheating

No interest in you

-

No

No

No

-

I remember your persistence

I caved

“Fawned”

-

I remember the smell of your flesh

Your sex

Repulsive

-

Yet my body accepted yours

Let you in

Felt pleasure

-

Confused

Betrayed

Disgusted

-

I remember your trick

You said

I held the key

-

I remember your words

I could stop it

Whenever I wanted

-

Liar!

I asked

After the first time

-

I lost count

Stopped trying

Gave up

-

Day after day

Week after week

Year after year

-

My body was yours

Not mine

Not yet

-

I remember the smell of your threats

Your sex

Repulsive

-

Always repulsive

But I let you in

Wiped you away later

-

So many wipes

So many tears

So much pain

-

Trapped

in a web of your lies

your threats

-

I remember your sons

Your wife

Your rage

-

I will always remember your rage

Your cruelty

Your hate

-

Twice my size

Football player

But I found my power

-

Pushed you away

Once and for all

No more fawning

-

I remember your threats

But now I forgive

And let go

-

I won’t carry your pain

Your hate

Your rage

-

I will recover my love

For my body

For me