Building Safer Workplaces Together: How Bystanders Can Intervene to Support Targets of Sexual Harassment at Work
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), and this year’s focus is on building safer spaces together. In honor of SAAM and my own goal to make workplaces safer and more welcoming for people of all genders, I’ve put together a quick guide to help bystanders who witness sexual harassment in their workplaces and would like to take constructive action to support victims and put an end to the harassment.
This guide will provide bystanders with the information they need to (1) recognize sexual harassment, (2) support the target of the harassment by intervening, and (3) proactively contribute to a workplace culture where harassment is not tolerated.
I created this guide because I was the target of sexual harassment in the workplace for many years before I recognized sexual harassment for what it truly is – a common and normalized abuse of power. As a target of harassment at work, I felt powerless, isolated, and physically and emotionally depleted. I ultimately left my successful career in finance because I could no longer endure the harassment that was so commonplace.
I truly believe that if I knew more about sexual harassment, and had the support of coworkers and managers who were better informed about dealing with sexual harassment, I might have felt less powerless and alone, and more capable of putting an end to what I experienced throughout my career.
What is sexual harassment?
Sexual harassment is an abuse of power. This abuse of power is a form of oppression, a form of discrimination, and a form of sexual assault. Sexual harassment can cause acute emotional distress and have a negative impact on an employee’s productivity.
One of the most common misconceptions about sexual harassment is that it’s about sexuality and desire, but sexual harassment is not about either of those things. Sexual harassment is about power. Harassers use sexualized comments, comments directed at a specific gender, and terms that apply to only one gender as tools to exert and express power over another person or another gender. Sexual harassment is sexism and oppression.
Some common workplace behaviors that qualify as sexual harassment include:
Making innuendos
Making jokes about an employee’s sex life or dating life
Making remarks about an employee’s body or complimenting an employee’s appearance
Making vulgar comments
“Accidental” touching
Unwanted touching or hugs
Showing nude photos or photos of scantily clad women or shirtless men
Sending propositions for dates or sexual activity via text or email
Spreading sexual rumors about an employee
Demanding dates or sexual acts in exchange for keeping one’s job
While women are the most common targets of harassment in the workplace, they are by no means the only targets. Nobody is immune from harassment, which makes it even more important for all of us to learn how to combat it in ways that are supportive to the target, and supportive safer, kinder workplaces for all.
Legally speaking, there are two kinds of sexual harassment in the workplace – quid pro quo and hostile work environment.
Quid Pro Quo Harassment is when submission to a sexual act or behavior is a condition of employment. When a person in a position of authority demands dates, sexual acts, or anything of a sexual nature from an employee in exchange for getting or keeping a job or any benefit of employment, this is considered quid pro quo harassment.
From a bystander’s perspective, quid pro quo harassment may be more challenging to identify, because the demands could be made behind closed doors, over text, or some other form of non-public communication. Nonetheless, bystanders can still be on the lookout for it. If a coworker reaches out to you to let you know they are experiencing this type of behavior, they could certainly benefit from your support.
Hostile Work Environment is when harassing conduct in general interferes with an employee’s ability to get the job done. This type of harassment may be more public, and therefore easier for a bystander to recognize at work.
When a harasser directs specific comments to only one gender, when a harasser uses terminology that applies to only one sex, or when a harasser’s comments are sexual in nature, that is sexual harassment. Hearing any of these types of comments would be enough to justify intervention if you are a bystander.
If the harassment is unwelcome to the target of harassment, and the harassing conduct either (a) occurs many times over a period of time, or (b) is severe enough, the harassing conduct you are witnessing might also be considered illegal harassment.
It is important to note that harassment can be considered “unwelcome” even if the target tries to play along in the moment or laugh it off.
Bystander Intervention Part 1: How can a bystander support targets of sexual harassment?
Harassment can happen at your workplace, in a Zoom meeting for work, at a work-sponsored event, or while gathering with employees after work. If you hear or see conduct you would consider harassment, here are some ways you can support the target of harassment:
Disrupt. If you’re aware of what is happening in the moment, you can disrupt the situation. Insert yourself into the interaction and change the subject, distract the harasser in some way, or ask the target of the harassment to step into a conference room with you for a moment. Anything you can do to give the target some space from the harassment in this situation is supportive.
Check In. To be supportive after the harassment has taken place, you can reach out to the target of the harassment to check in on them. Tell them that you heard what was being said, ask them if they are okay, tell them it’s not their fault and they didn’t do anything wrong. One of the most common responses to harassment that victims experience is self-blame. Reminding the target that they didn’t do anything wrong and the harassment is not their fault can help to counter that common victim response and empower a victim.
Encourage the Target to Speak Up. Another way to show support after the fact is to encourage the target of harassment to report it. Let the target of harassment know that sexual harassment will not go away if they ignore it or laugh it off, and it may get worse. Encourage them to clearly and directly tell the harasser that their behavior is unwelcome. Offer to support them by accompanying them to HR if they choose to go, but please do not report the harassment to Human Resources without their consent. This can be extremely disempowering to the target of harassment who has already had their power taken away from them.
If you are a manager, a supervisory employee, or are in a position of leadership, you may have a responsibility to report any harassment that you see or hear. In this case, it would be in your best interest to uphold your responsibilities as a leader at your firm. I do still encourage you be a human, check in with the target, encourage them to speak up, and be as empowering as possible to the person experiencing harassment, while also upholding your responsibilities as a manager.
Bystander Intervention Part 2: How can a bystander proactively contribute to a workplace culture where harassment is not tolerated?
If you feel like you still have more to give after you’ve disrupted the situation and checked in with the victim to offer empathy and support, there is one more way that you can intervene as a bystander. You can proactively contribute to a workplace culture where harassment is called out, and not tolerated.
In the moment. If you are witnessing harassment in the moment, clearly and directly tell the harasser that their joke, comment, or action isn’t funny, or is inappropriate.
After the fact. When the moment has passed, take some time alone with the harasser to check in with them. Ask them:
Are they aware of how their comment or action came off?
Did they notice that their comment was inappropriate?
If the harasser seems unaware that their actions were inappropriate, kindly and clearly let them know that sexualized comments, and those directed specifically at one gender can make other employees uncomfortable and contribute to a workplace that feels unwelcoming and disempowering.
Putting an End to Sexual Harassment is Everyone’s Responsibility
Sexual harassment is a problem so pervasive that it requires the help of everyone, including victims and bystanders, to put an end to it.
Choosing to be an “upstander” rather than a bystander to sexual harassment in the workplace can take many forms. It can look like disrupting a situation that could be uncomfortable for a target of harassment, reaching out to the target of harassment to offer your empathy and support, and even kindly but effectively confronting the harasser to let them know that their behaviors are not acceptable.
Whether you act in the moment, or act after the fact, remember that even the smallest gestures can go a very long way toward supporting someone who is in an uncomfortable and unwelcome situation that makes them feel powerless.
If you worry that nothing you do would be enough to combat this pervasive problem, hear me when I say that NO ACTION IS TOO SMALL. Creating safer spaces and safer workplaces is something we must all do together. Every small form of resistance to the problematic behaviors that contribute to continued cycles of violence and abuse of power is meaningful.
The information provided in this guide is based on my opinion from my own experience with harassment in the workplace, and from my training as a sexual assault counselor. None of the information provided should be considered legal advice.
